How Do You Do It? (Written March 3, 2008)

A question has been on my mind this past week: How do you do it? I don't see how it is physically or mentally possible for a boy and a girl to meet, fall in love, get engaged, and get married. It truly is a miracle.
I used to be one of those girls who believed in love; who lived for love, but my view of it has changed in the past few months. I have seen close friends get hurt; not just my girl friends, but my guy friends as well. I have also been hurt a time or two... or three. I have found that each relationship has left me more and more bitter and cynical than the last and I am starting to think that is it not worth the pain. I am starting to think that I cannot believe in love anymore, not for myself anyway.
I am not placing blame on guys or girls. Each sex has their own faults and excuses. Each person has their own reason for breaking someone's heart. The point I am trying to make is that relationships are hard and unfair. They hurt more than they should. It is so hard to meet someone and let your guard down long enough to let them see your heart; long enough to fall in love. It is easier to give up early on, than it is to take the chance of getting hurt.
So, for all of you who have made it, I want to say Congratulations, you did it! I don't know how, but you did it. And I commend you for making it look so easy. But as far as love goes for me, I give up; I surrender. I am done letting relationships run my life and I am done letting the pressure to get married from society and family rule my mind and heart.
I don't want all who read this to think that I am against love, because I will always and forever be a hopeless romantic (which I think makes things worse for me). The side of me that writes this is sad and hurt from past experiences, but there is a part of me that still has hope that things will work out in the end. I know that you only win once(hopefully) and that is the one that counts the most. I can't wait for that day. But for now, the state of my heart, and the truth of logic do not coincide. For now, I remain.